All that matters
by Devil-may-care101
Summary: No, the danger wasn’t coming from those around Bella, from external forces we could control. The danger was coming from Bella herself. Coming from somewhere deep inside her, somewhere that we could not fight. And I was going to be too late." NM oneshot


_Hey all. I know this idea has been done before, but I'm a first time Twilight fanfic writer and wanted to do something I felt comfortable with. This is a oneshot of when Alice received her vision of Bella's cliff diving attempt in New Moon, and well, I hope you like it._

_Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to SM. I'm just letting my imagination get the best of me._

_This is only half beta-ed, so mistakes are mine. My excuse? My beta's computer ate the document. Repeatedly._

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Running through the trees, feeling the cold wind rush past me and watching the rich colours of the dense Denali forest merge together in a blur, I felt the stress in my body reduce slightly. I wasn't hunting; maybe I should have been, after all my eyes in my bedroom mirror this morning were almost completely black, the obsidian colour a striking contrast to the colour of my skin. I should have gone with Carlisle and Esme on their hunting trip, should have done something to occupy my troubled mind. But I hadn't, so running now was a way of outrunning the problems I so wanted to forget.

I wasn't stupid. I knew probably better than anyone the possible scenarios that could have played out, all the different ways Bella could have been injured or even killed. I'd seen how dangerous it had been for Bella to be around us. Her life had been threatened everyday, every second she spent with us, but she'd taken it in her stride, acting as if everything were completely normal. Any split second decision, any unforeseeable event, such as the paper cut she'd sustained before we left, could have changed the future in disastrous ways. As easily as she had seemed to forget what we were, I hadn't forgotten our true nature. But for the first time in a long time, she'd made us feel fully human. Spending decades around humans had made it much easier for us to blend in, but we'd spent our existence almost in solitary confinement, our only friends those who were like us. Bella had changed all that. She'd brought out sides of our family that we didn't even know were missing. But most importantly, she'd made Edward feel as if his existence was actually worth something.

And yet, we'd left her alone.

So yes, I felt guilt. Guilty that we'd left her behind, when she'd so clearly wanted to become one of us. Guilty that I'd let Edward convince me that this was the better option for Bella. For all he loved her, he didn't know her very well. The rest of the family, even Rosalie, as much as she'd hated to admit it, had been able to see how much Bella loved Edward, how hard it would be for her to forget us and get on with her life. But Edward, being the stubborn idiot that he was, hadn't allowed himself to see it. I knew he'd refused to acknowledge how deep Bella's feelings for him because otherwise he wouldn't have been able to leave her behind.

But now, he was miserable. We were miserable. He was alone. We felt as if we'd lost not one, but two members of our family. Esme had definitely been crushed to leave Bella behind - she'd seen Bella as her own daughter, and then Edward's absence had caused her almost as much grief as losing her first son had. Emmett felt like he'd lost his little sister. And I, I felt like I'd lost my best friend.

We all had our distractions. Emmett and Rose had gone on another honeymoon in Europe, Carlisle worked at another hospital in Ithaca, Esme was restoring a historical seventeenth century monument. Jasper had gone to Cornell to study Philosophy. And me, I'd been doing my own research into my human life. I'd found little: my name, the existence of my sister and my niece, the asylum were I'd spent the final years of my human life. It was morbidly interesting, but for me, as it was for all of us, it wasn't enough to help us forget who we left behind.

I came to a stop in a clearing, not so different from the meadow in Forks where Edward and Bella had spent so much time. But unlike Forks, the atmosphere was wrong, the trees surrounding me dark and menacing, even with my enhanced sight. There was little light filtering through the tops of the trees to the floor, casting shadows everywhere. And unlike Forks, there was no Bella, no Edward, to lighten the feeling of despair that came crashing over me.

There was a log along the far edge of the clearing, and I made my way over, sidestepping the fallen leaves and broken branches that littered the floor. The log was covered in a damp green moss, and without thinking about the expensive clothes I was wearing - after all, I would be able to buy new ones relatively easily - perched myself on one end. I sat there quietly, perfectly motionless, trying to get my thoughts in order.

I'd left Tanya's house alone, not wanting Jasper to have to suffer my crushing emotions with me - he felt guilty enough as it was, believing that it was his fault that he'd had to leave Forks. We didn't blame him for what happened, and Bella certainly hadn't, but he hated the fact that his nature, our nature, had caused so much upheaval. If anyone was at fault, it should be me: I was the one that insisted upon Bella attending the disastrous birthday party when she'd clearly not wanted to; I was the one who didn't see the consequences until it was too late to change anything. But of course Edward had taken the blame upon himself, and ultimately, had made the decision for us to leave. To keep Bella safe, he'd said.

I'd scoffed at this concept, both to his face, and to anyone who would listen. Surprisingly, Rosalie had been the one to side with me: even though she disliked Bella, and was jealous of her, she'd calmly listed almost every accident Bella had had since arriving in Forks. To us, Bella and safe were not words that could be used together positively in the same sentence.

And I couldn't even check to see if Bella was managing ok. Edward had forbidden me to check up on her, saying that it was not our job to interfere anymore. But just because I wasn't looking didn't mean I didn't see. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, the occasional vision would sweep over me without my asking for it. It would be little things: Bella throwing her CD's in the trash; Bella falling over on a patch of ice outside her front door. Sometimes, it would be something more serious, such as her approaching strange men in Port Angeles or even buying a couple of motorcycles. But, fearing Edward's wrath, there was nothing I could do, even seeing my best friend in so much pain. I couldn't even tell him how much Bella was suffering.

Edward had been wrong, terribly wrong, to think that she would survive without him. Without us. Especially after the whole James incident. The few times that I'd checked Edward's future, I'd seen him attempting to track Victoria. I would have offered my help, as would every other member of our family, but he insisted, no, demanded, that he did it himself. But the fact remained that Victoria was still out there, still brooding from the loss of James. I feared that she wouldn't let this go so easily, and if that was the case, the best way to get back at Edward would be to target Bella. Because, no matter what he'd told her, no matter what she believed, Edward was still hopelessly in love with her. It was only his love for her that made him leave her in the first place.

I understood his motives. Without a doubt, I understood that he only wanted to protect her, to keep her safe. But the way he went about it was not the way to do so. It only ended up hurting everyone involved.

Hopefully, however, things were about to change. Possibly. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone, for fear of raising hopes and ending up hurting people all the more if what I saw didn't come to pass. For a while now, I'd seen Edward wavering in his decision, seen him contemplating going back to Forks. For a while, there had only been short bursts of images, images that changed so quickly as he brutally and forcefully reminded himself of why he was doing what he was. But as time went on, the pictures of him returning back to Forks, back to Bella, of us going back to Bella became longer, clearer, and I could tell he was starting to seriously consider that option. Sometimes he considered going back to check on her, to make sure she was happy, others it was him begging for her to take him back. But the vision of him returning to Forks was becoming clearer by the day.

Yet, this didn't disperse my foul mood. There was something I couldn't quite put my finger on, something my vision could not yet see. I felt a deep sense of dread and had an awful feeling it would be concerning Bella. But, because I'd promised Edward I wouldn't, I couldn't check on her. Not only for him, but for myself as well I suppose. If I continually saw how unhappy she was, if I deliberately searched for how deep her pain ran, my resolve would weaken and I couldn't be sure I wouldn't run back to Forks and tell her everything. I couldn't be sure I wouldn't go back and change her myself.

Because with everyday that the vision of Edward returning to Forks became clearer, so did the vision I thought would never come to pass: Bella and I, side by side, both smiling and both vampires.

It was a good thing that Jasper hadn't come with me. If he had, he would no doubt be suffering from emotional whiplash - my emotions were all over the place and they changed so fast that even I had trouble keeping up with them. Guilty, sad, happy, anxious - the onslaught of feeling made me feel thirsty, draining what limited reserves I already had. No doubt hunting would help me resolve that.

I stood, and then the vision hit me, all thoughts of hunting pushed right to the back of my mind.

_Bella was stood on the edge of a cliff. The sky was indicative of an upcoming storm, clouds beginning to change colour, the waves crashing forcefully against the cliffside, sea foam swirling against the rock. A strange expression crossed her face, almost an expression of peace and contentment, contrasting strongly with the barely concealed turmoil in her eyes. Her hair blew around her face, thick mahogany brown tendrils whipping through the air, partially obscuring her face. Rain was falling around her, large drops of water beginning to cover her face and hair, the water on her face looking like tears. She took a step forwards, reaching the cliff's edge, toes hovering just over the edge._

Oh no. Oh God no. I could see what she was about to do even before the vision played out. I screamed out loud, the sound coming out strangled in my panic, but of course, she was too far away to hear me.

_She stood there, as if she were waiting for someone, something. Then she smiled, and exhaled, waiting patiently for a short while longer. The wind carried on blowing around her face, the rain soaking her clothes, and still she smiled. Almost as if she were having an internal conversation that no one else could hear. She rolled forwards onto the balls of her feet, and her smile got bigger, her eyes finally showing peace. Lifting her face to the rain, she raised her arms, but just as quickly changed her mind, leaning forwards and crouching down slightly._

_Then she jumped._

_Her scream echoed all the way down, the sound cutting off abruptly as she hit the water, her body disappearing under the black waves. The splash could barely be heard over the roar of the churning waves, and there was no sign of her._

No. Please Bella, please. Please come up. Please.

_The waves kept rolling, crashing heavily against the rock cliff face. Rain still poured down from the sky, the droplets of water barely even making a ripple against the tide. The wind carried on blowing, the trees near the edge of the shore creaking with the force of air pushing past them. But on the water's surface, there was nothing. No movement aside from the tide and the rain. No sound except for the crashing waves and brutal stormy wind._

Come on Bella. Come on.

_Nothing. The storm picked up, all the elements combined together in a deathly frenzy. There was no sign of life, either above or beneath the water. Then, barely perceptible to human eyes, there were a few tiny bubbles breaking free on the surface. Then they too were gone. And still nothing broke the wall of water._

_Nothing._

No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. Bella couldn't, she wouldn't. She promised. Edward's words floated through my head, but reality fought with the small shard of hope in my heart until there was nothing left.

Bella was in danger again.

But this time, the danger was not vampire related. No, the danger wasn't coming from those around Bella, from external forces we could control. The danger was coming from Bella herself. Coming from somewhere deep inside her, somewhere that we could not fight.

And I was going to be too late.

By the time my mind caught up, my feet were already flying, my hair pushed back away from my face as I ran. I headed back towards Tanya's, running as fast as I knew how. And still I knew it wouldn't be enough, that I wouldn't have enough time to save Bella. I almost ripped my jeans in an attempt to get my phone out of my pocket, punching the number for the local airline in so fast that even to my eyes my fingers blurred together. By the time I got back to the house, I'd booked myself a flight, leaving in 30 minutes.

And all the while, in the back of my mind, I was thinking "How could you do this Bella? You promised!"

I almost took the door off of the hinges as I blew through it, heading upstairs to find ID and some money. I'd caught a look at a startled Rose and Emmett sitting in a suggestive pose on the sofa, and saw Jasper head towards me from one of the back rooms as I took the steps three at a time and raced into my bedroom. In a matter of seconds, I'd found what I needed and flew back towards the front door, colliding with a solid object as I hit the bottom of the stairs.

"Alice? Are you alright? What's wrong? What happened?" Jasper's arms formed a lock around me, and in my frantic state I didn't have the peace of mind to escape. I took one look at his face and remembered that he could feel every bit of fear and panic as I did, and he looked absolutely petrified. "Did something happen to Edward?" I was shaking my head even before he'd finished his sentence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett and Rose come towards us, both looking apprehensive.

"Then what's wrong Alice?"

I opened my mouth but no words came out. I tried again, but this time, only one word came out. "Bella." Immediately, I knew I'd lost Rose's interest, and Emmett's expression dissolved into sympathy, no doubt thinking that I missed my best friend. Jasper however could still feel my fear, and at the mention of Bella's name, he frowned.

"I'm sure she's fine Alice."

"No, No! She's not ok! She jumped off of a freaking cliff!"

"She what?!" Emmett's voice was the first to break the silence that bore down on us. Even Rose's expression was somewhat stunned. "I was in the forest, and she was at First Beach in La Push. There was a storm, and she _smiled _and she just jumped. I waited and waited but she didn't come back up. There was nothing."

"When?" Emmett's voice was hard, and I saw Rose give him a confused look - clearly she'd never paid attention to how much Emmett enjoyed having Bella around.

"I don't know. Soon. It was hard to tell with all the rain and the storm…" I was babbling and I knew it but I just couldn't stop. "I have to…have to go back to Forks…"

"Alice, honey" Jasper's voice was soothing, and I could feel calm sweeping over my body, even as I fought it, "You won't be able to stop her. There just isn't enough time."

"I have to try."

"You can't. We promised…"

"I don't care! I have to, have to go, see what I can do. Help Charlie. I have to." I tore myself out of Jasper's embrace, leaning up on my toes to give him a quick kiss, before pulling away and sprinting out of the house, leaving behind three vampires in various emotional states: Jasper was concerned, Emmett deeply saddened, and Rosalie…well I doubted she actually cared enough about Bella to actually have an opinion. I was deep into the forest by the time I heard them respond.

I managed to make my flight with minutes to spare, and I sat impatiently in my seat as I waited for the takeoff. The flight would take a few hours - a few hours too many - but it was faster than running all the way back to Forks, so I would have to take what I could get.

Every so often, I would check the future, would check to see if there was a possibility that Bella was still alive. And everytime, I let the small shard of hope in my chest flare, only for it to be crushed when I saw nothing. I couldn't see Bella at all.

Waiting for the time to pass was excruciating. By now, I was certain that I was too late to save Bella, and the weight of her death almost crushed me. I shouldn't have listened to Edward, we all knew Bella couldn't be safe with us. I should have been watching her, making sure she was alright.

We should never have left in the first place. The anger that that realisation brought was intense, and I managed to terrify one of the flight attendants when she came over to ask me if I needed anything. I think it was the growl paired with the almost murderous expression that did it. Damn my brother and his stupid misplaced sense of self-sacrifice. If he'd only accepted what I'd told him, that Bella would become one of us, and just accept that, then we wouldn't be in this mess. Bella wouldn't be dead.

She wouldn't be dead.

What had we done?

In attempting to protect her, we'd left her. Even when we knew how badly she would react, how badly she would suffer, we'd still left her behind. Taken her love, her family and her future with us. And in the end, the pain had caused her to take her own life.

The anger disappeared again as the grief took its place. Again, I was glad that Jasper didn't have to suffer this emotional rollercoaster with me. If I could cry, then I would have started crying a long time ago. But I had to pull myself together, to help Charlie. That was all I could do now.

I was debating transport between Seattle airport and Forks when the intercom announced we would be landing shortly. I could run, but I didn't have the same kind of speed that Edward did. I needed a car. A fast car. Then I remembered Carlisle's Mercedes. He'd left it in Seattle, the rough terrain of Denali being more than a car like that could handle. I knew where the car was, and I whispered a thank you out loud for small miracles.

I drove to Forks faster than I think I'd ever driven before, and that included when we were driving desperately through Phoenix in attempt to save Bella from James. My ability definitely came in handy at times like this - I managed to avoid all the cops and all the cameras and came screeching into Forks just over 15 minutes after I'd left the airport. Thankfully, there was no traffic, and only a few pedestrians saw me shooting past them, bewildered and somewhat alarmed expressions making themselves known when I allowed myself a single glance in the rear-view mirror. Hopefully, no one would recognise Carlisle's car. Not that that was my primary concern at the moment.

I heard the tires squealing against the road as I pulled into Bella's street. With my enhanced sight, even from a distance I could see that neither Bella nor Charlie's cars were in the driveway. I pulled the Mercedes to a halt on the opposite side of the street and stared at the empty house. We'd only been gone for about six months, but not, looking at Bella's house, it seemed like no time had past at all, yet at the same time, that too much time had past. I didn't even know how that was possible.

But now I was here, I was at a loss of what to do. I couldn't go to La Push, not even to see if Bella's body had been found yet, if it would be found at all. The tide had been so strong… I pushed away the grief and instead focused on how I would tell Edward. Not that that was an easier option to bear because it wasn't - Edward would be devastated and no doubt consumed by the realisation that Bella was dead, despite all his efforts to prevent it.

My only other thought was how I could help Charlie. I didn't remember my human life, and I'd never formed any attachments with humans, so the grief I was feeling was foreign to me. Of course I understood what it was, but I was still having a hard time coping with it - my visions could never have truly prepared me for this. Nor could it prepare me for how to help Charlie cope. But I was determined to try.

But I didn't know when I should appear, so to speak. I could say that I was in town for a visit, but I couldn't help Charlie until we knew for certain that Bella was dead, until we saw her lifeless body with out own eyes. I tried looking for her, for something that would tell me how to go about this task, but still I saw nothing. Surely I should be able to see something…

After a while of sitting perfectly motionless in the car, I decided to go inside and wait for Charlie. Hopefully he wouldn't be to shocked to find me in his house after so long of being gone. I flitted to the house, my hands instinctively reaching for the key that was kept hidden under the eave as I remembered how both Charlie and Bella liked to lock their door behind them. A smart idea in principle, but Bella didn't exactly attract the type of danger that would be prevented by a locked wooden door.

As the door opened, my nose automatically wrinkled in distaste. A quick glance around the room noted the distinct lack of cleaning, and amongst it all, there was a faint note of something I couldn't quite place. It smelt like wet-dog. I silently made my way through the empty rooms, thinking back to happier times, times when Bella had been happy.

How could you do this Bella? What could have possibly made you want to end it all? It was thoughts like this that haunted me as I ghosted through the house so silently that my movements would have been undetectable even to vampires.

As I walked, I felt a tug in my heart and my eyes inevitably were drawn towards the stairs. I didn't want to go up there, not really, but my eyes kept returning to the same place over and over until I could bear it no longer. Slowing my movements to a human pace, and a slow one at that, I trudged up the stairs, taking one step at a time, feeling all the while that I was walking into something I didn't want to see. I paused at her bedroom door, fighting the urge to go inside. Seeing Bella's room, having the reminder that we were no longer part of her life was just setting myself up for further pain. Eventually, I caved and gently pushed the door open with my hand, before glancing around the dark room, not having to wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

I'm not sure what I expected to find - maybe clothes scattered all over the floor, books cluttering the desk, CDs piled up next to the stereo - but the tidy, impersonal room that I saw in front of me was not it. The made bed, the clean floor, the lack of CDs and books - this room, although the same room as I'd visited countless times before, had no character, no personality. No photos, no knick-knacks, no ornaments, no nothing. And I knew, I knew, that Bella had suffered just as much as I'd imagined she would. Maybe even worse. Because this place, this room, was not Bella. Not even close.

Again the realisation hit me: we should never have left.

In the distance, I heard the distinct roar of an approaching vehicle. From what I could remember, it sounded like Bella's truck. Why she'd continued to ride that death-trap of a truck was beyond me. It had certainly given Edward enough grief - he'd lived in constant fear of something happening to her in that truck whilst he wasn't there, but Bella, being Bella and the stubborn person that we knew and loved, had refused point-blank to give up her truck. I smiled sadly at the fond memory. Either way it sounded like Bella's truck. I couldn't fathom who could be driving it - Bella couldn't be. Maybe there was a problem with the cruiser and Charlie was driving it. That wouldn't explain how Bella had got to La Push I suppose, though I guessed maybe Charlie had dropped her off there. I knew that she had a history with one of the boys over there. The son of one of the council elders I think. The same one who'd been enlisted by his father to ask Bella to break up with Edward. As it turns out, it didn't matter now, for Edward had left of his own free will, leaving Bella behind.

The truck stopped outside the house, and I strained by ears to find some clue as to who it was. I could hear two distinct heartbeats and there was a quite conversation that was just too quite for me too hear properly. One voice was distinctly female.

I stopped breathing.

Because it sounded like Bella.

No, no, it couldn't be Bella. My ears must be playing tricks on me. Bella was dead! I saw her jump and she never came back up again. There was no way that she could have survived. The current had been too strong, the waves would have had enough force to keep her under the water until her oxygen ran out. And she'd been too far from shore to swim back, even if she hadn't been against the current. I tried to see, tried to use my vision to see who was outside - my body frozen in one position - but nothing.

The voices outside were still quiet, but before I could entertain any other thoughts, the truck's engine flared to life. Then the tires were squealing and the truck was barrelling down the road. It could only be Bella's truck: the speed, as noticeable to my ears, never reached above 55 and even then the engine was groaning under the strain.

I was still stood frozen to the spot, not yet able to get my head around everything that was going on. And that was saying something, because as a vampire, I had the inbuilt ability to have multiple thoughts going through my head at once.

I heard the truck stop - before the end of the street I would imagine - and over the engine, I could still hear voices, this time raised as if in an argument. I still couldn't catch any of the words, but the male sounded furious. I heard a door slam and I heard the truck reverse. The vision hit me before I could react.

_The front door to Bella's house opened and I could hear the heavy breathing. It sounded like the person, whoever it was, was afraid, as if they were slightly apprehensive about what they might find. The shape moved forwards and flicked on the light switch. I blinked, and the bright artificial light finally opened my eyes as to who stood in front of me. Her hair was slightly damp, and her clothes were slightly too big, emphasising the weight loss. The dark circles under her eyes almost let her pass for a vampire. But even with all the changes, even with all the differences noticeable, I still knew who it was._

_It was Bella._

I stood frozen, unsure if what I was seeing was true. I felt a small flash of hope flare in my chest even as the disbelief threatened to overrule it.

Was it…no it couldn't be…but I saw…could it actually…no its impossible, I saw her jump…but I just SAW her…it can't be…but it is. Bella.

My vision played out just like I saw it. She came in the house and paused, her breathing ragged and uncertain, and before I could stop myself, I flicked on the light switch and bathed the room in light. She blinked and, when her eyes cleared, stared at me for a few seconds. I stood there in disbelief, my eyes trying to force my mind to see and understand that Bella was actually stood in front of me. By now, the small bit of hope I'd so mercilessly crushed before overcame me, completely destroying any remaining doubt I had that she was still alive.

It didn't matter that she'd jumped. It didn't matter that no matter how hard I'd been trying that I couldn't see her until a few seconds ago. It didn't matter that Edward had forbidden me to come back or how angry he would be when he found out. It didn't even matter that the rest of the family believed she was dead.

Bella was alive. And for now, that was all that mattered.

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_Well, I hope you liked it. Please r'n'r :)_


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